After 35+ hours of travel over Spring Break, going from Portland to Honolulu, back to Portland and then to Connecticut and back, I feel I can speak on the subject of travel with somewhat of an expertise. Here is what I have learned:

1. If your ID is stolen on vacation, prepare to be searched, patted and wanded.

2. Always write down where you parked the car at the airport. That ingenious pneumonic you thought of 10 days ago, isn’t as memorable as you thought.

3. When the Chatty Cathie sitting next to you says that she’s from your area, just smile and say, “Oh, I hear that’s a nice neighborhood. I’m from [insert different state].”

4. No plane in the history of flying has ever left JFK on time. Ever.

5. No matter how cute that baby looks before take off, it will inevitably cry most of the flight, preventing you from sleeping.

6. Apparently airlines have prioritized entertainment over nourishment. Even on flights across the country all they give you are pretzels while you sit there with your personal TV with OnDemand satellite, movies and music. Given the choice, I would always choose food.

7. Eye masks are crucial in the event that your travel companion insists on keeping the window up even though you’re flying over the Pacific Ocean and it is five in the morning.