Last year, my family and I saw The Santaland Diaries (@PCS), which had to be one of the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

Side note: Now, I know people use this expression quite freely and, thus, it has lost some of its meaning over time. Believe me when I tell you, this is one of the funniest things I have seen in my 24 years of existence.

So, on the eve of Christmas Eve, I leave you with this excerpt from Crumpet the Elf:

Twenty-two thousand people came to see Santa today, and not all of them are well-behaved.

Today, I witnessed fist fights and vomiting and magnificent tantrums. The back hallway was jammed with people. There was a line for Santa and a line for the women’s bathroom, and one woman, after asking me a thousand questions already asked, which is the line for the women’s bathroom? And I shouted that I thought it was the line with all the women in it. And she said, I’m going to have you fired. I had two people say that to me today, I’m going to have you fired. Go ahead, be my guest.

I’m wearing a green velvet costume. It doesn’t get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are? I’m going to have you fired, and I want to lean over, and say I’m going to have you killed.

Merry Christmas.